Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
