What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
