wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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