I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love having hate sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're a waste of cheezeits
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
