i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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