the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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