brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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