Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
