Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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