i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
