His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
