The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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