you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
