Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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