When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
