I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
