we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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