They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
