Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
