It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
