Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am available for nakedness
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
