Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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