we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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