So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
