Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
