I wish I could teleport
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
