My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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