maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
