Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
