if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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