Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
