My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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