oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
