I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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