the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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