how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
