I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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