I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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