Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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