Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize