lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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