just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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