It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
