Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize