bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
