Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize