I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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