I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
