She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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