i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
