I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
