I want to walk on stilts...naked
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
