It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you made out with another girl for some wings
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
