we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
