Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
