guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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