i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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