I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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