I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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