so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
