I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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