I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize