Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize