my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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