I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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