Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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