do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
