he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
