The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
