dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
